I recently came across John Wesley’s 12 Rules for Helpers, a guide for new lay preachers. Most of the articles I read commended these twelve rules as still useful for church leaders today. Now, I do recommend you read them and consider them for yourself, but there was one rule in particular that I think needs to be reimagined in light of our theological and practical developments of understanding human sexuality and interaction between genders.
Rule 3 states, “Converse sparingly and cautiously with women; particularly, with young women.” Of course this was written in a time when lay preachers were exclusively men. I think the intention at the time of its writing was to focus the young preachers’ attention on the task at hand and not get swept up in the possibility of romances that distract from proclaiming the gospel. John Wesley himself had his own experiences as a young pastor in Savannah, GA, leading private Bible studies for younger women and finding himself hopelessly in love with Sophie Hopkey. The events that unfolded from that young love resulted in Wesley fleeing the country for fear of legal ramifications. Perhaps this was on his mind when he wrote rule number 3.
As a young man growing up in the purity subculture of conservative Christian evangelicalism, it was engrained in our generation that men are visual, men can’t really control their hypersexualized minds, and so women should dress modestly and not provoke sexual desire from men with their bodies. To quote an article from pastortheologians.com, “This view sees the sexual “power” that women have in their bodies as dangerous and potentially destructive. It totalizes the erotic potential of the female form as the essence of female identity.” Purity culture’s essential premises dehumanize all people. Women are dehumanized because they become sexual objects. James Dobson of Focus on the Family tells the story of a woman who simply smiled at him as she drove by, and he just knew that she was try to seduce him, (but he prevailed against her!). Billy Graham (and Mike Pence for that matter) refused to get in an elevator alone with a woman in order to prevent any appearance of impropriety. It’s easy to see how this kind of worldview allows for people to blame the victims of sexual assault for being too provocative with their dress. Think about the young baptist man earlier this year who murdered seven women in massage parlors in order to “remove the temptation.”
But purity culture dehumanizes men as well. It trains men to believe that we are victims of our own sexual urges. I remember reading a popular book called Every Man’s Battle, which was full of strategies for how to wage spiritual war against sexual temptations. Ultimately, the best thing a young man could do was avoid women, keep them at a distance, assert dominance (ahem, I mean leadership), and in marriage, assert that the woman exists as his sexual outlet. Don’t get me wrong, this dehumanizing of men most certainly means that women suffer more. If men’s appetites are uncontrollable, then the men must control the women. These views unfortunately create safe spaces for predators, and churches far to often protect the predators against the victims.
But a deeper Christian ethic ought to rehumanize all people, asserting the full dignity of men and women, and make space for trans and non-binary people as well. All are made in the image of God. All of us are more than our appetites and desires. All of us are more than objects for someone else’s gratification. We are blessed to be a blessing, we are called to love God and ALL our neighbors. We are redeemed and sanctified by Jesus Christ, and therefore have the capacity to see and lift up the full humanity of all people, regardless of gender. Men and the church must bear the responsibility for the ways women have been harmed and victimized by the dehumanizing sexual ethics of purity culture.
PS. I am now two weeks without my computer while it’s the shop for repairs, that’s why you’re getting a pared down hand drawn comic this week. Hope you enjoy!