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Never Getting Back Together

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Shortly after John resolved to never marry Sophy, she became engaged to William Williamson.  Aside from being the ultimate rebound and the most uninventive name in history, Wesley further described Williamson as irreligious.  Sophy requested that John perform the marriage ceremony, so John figured that she was just trying to play him—Williamson was such a crap choice that if Wesley really loved Sophy, he’d “rescue” her by marrying her instead.  This is like nearly divorced couples having a kid to “save the marriage,” it just doesn’t work.  So Sophy married Williamson, and immediately regretted it. (Way to not be a knight in shining armor, John).  The day Sophy married, John wrote his last will, and said, “This is the worst day of my life.”

Five months after her marriage, John withheld communion from Sophy, humiliating her in front of the church.  He said it was because she hadn’t come to church since marrying Bill Billypants, and she hadn’t warned him a day in advance that she was expecting communion.  However, he believed she was unrepentant because she had always told him she’d never marry, and then she married Willy Wonka.

He was indicted for defamation of character and fled the country before his appearance in court.  Onward to Christian Perfection!


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